


A Quiet Darkness

by orphan_account



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Depressed Harvey, M/M, one big cliche
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-06
Updated: 2016-09-06
Packaged: 2018-08-13 12:14:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7976476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A rainy Saturday evening at midnight, when there was no light left, was the day Harvey found a tiny shed of light.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Quiet Darkness

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for this being extremely cliché and for having love be the savior from depression, because I'm well aware that it's not. If you know this may trigger you, please don't read it.
> 
> All will be well in the end though, as I mostly just selfishly wrote this to handle my own depressive thoughts. Enjoy and don't forget that you are amazing.

Harvey stood in front of the mirror, the face staring back at him unfamiliar. A face not his own, but not belonging to anyone else either. One look at his watch. 11.23 pm. He grabbed his coat and his keys and went out the door, his mind blank and yet a chaos.  
  
Outside it was pouring down in streams, but he barely noticed. The cold drops felt refreshing on his puffy cheeks, but it all felt numb. At this time of day, New York City was taking care of itself, so he could walk without notice. The few people he'd pass would have their heads bowed underneath black umbrellas, not even bothering to look up.  
  
At least the dark clouds above agreed with his thoughts.  
  
He found himself wandering to Brooklyn Bridge, mostly because he knew there was benches there and it was close to the ocean. The ocean that would look deep, black and tempting at this time of night. He didn't go there with the intention of disappearing, but it was always a thought at the back of his head. He knew one day the voices would be far too loud.  
  
He sat there on a bench in the middle of the bridge and let his demons and the heavy rain pour down on him.  
  
  
  
  
A rainy Saturday evening at midnight, when there was no light left, was the day Harvey found a tiny shed of light.  
  
  
  
  
Harvey's eyes were closed, but he heard the footsteps on the wooden, drenched planks of the bridge.  
  
”Hey, you okay?” a calm, unfamiliar voice asked.  
  
Harvey opened his eyes to look up at a shadow of a man wearing a hoodie and a white umbrella shielding him behind him, looking more like a weak, grey halo than a shiny, angelic one.  
  
”I'm fine.”  
  
The stranger sat down next to him, the umbrella shielding the half of both of them.  
  
”Nobody comes here this late in this weather without an umbrella if they're fine.”  
  
Harvey didn't reply. He just wanted the stranger to leave him alone. Didn't even bother to properly look at him. Surely this kid just wanted to be kind, but Harvey knew it was kindness pointlessly given out.  
  
”Need me to follow you home?” The stranger continued. ”I mean, not because I want to be creepy, but you have no umbrella and all...” He was laughing softly; something that almost sounded comforting, like the waves crashing to shore, yet unsettling all the same.  
  
”No, I don't need you to do anything but leave me alone.”  
  
But the stranger was evidently not going to go anywhere, because he kept sitting there, shielding him from the rain, long enough for his hair to dry up a little. Harvey didn't leave either though. Harvey wasn't really sure why this stranger was spending his time sitting here silently, for absolutely no reason, rain still soaking their feet and pants. The stranger wore unbranded black canvas sneakers and Harvey was sure his socks were soaked too by now.  
  
”I'm Mike.” The stranger, Mike, said, breaking the silence.  
  
”Okay.” Why this kid thought Harvey cared, he didn't know. Maybe he just saw all this as some charity case, looking for forgiveness by good deeds. Sitting this close, he could smell weed on Mike's hoodie, because Harvey could sure as hell recognize that smell anywhere and surely this guy was just trying to repay emotional guilt by saving someone for the night. And maybe Harvey was taking it for granted, but that wouldn't be news to anyone. He didn't need this.  
  
”No wonder I got curious when I saw somebody sitting up here.”  
  
Harvey didn't reply. He didn't see why this was relevant or why he should pay attention to this guy's problems. He had enough of his own.  
  
”I rarely see anyone out unless it's warm, it's a Friday and people are partying. I thought perhaps it was a bad idea to go out into the rain today, but I knew I'd get restless pacing around my apartment. I've had insomnia ever since my grandma passed away, so I take walks around the city to keep my head occupied and wear myself out.”  
  
So a broke guy in his 20's called Mike wearing worn out sneakers with insomnia was spending his Saturday night sitting next to a rich, corporate lawyer in his 30's called Harvey wearing oxfords that probably cost more than a month of Mike's rent.  
  
Harvey tried to imagine what Mike's face looked like. Relaxed and calm like his voice probably, a sympathic look in his eyes that said what everybody else's eyes said: 'You poor thing'.  
  
Harvey didn't need sympathy. He didn't need anyone or any of this. He just wanted to be left alone where he could rot by himself and not touch anybody's life ever again. Harvey didn't even notice that tears had started to fall again, much to his own dismay. His face was already snotty and disgusting enough. He didn't want to say another word, just wanted this Mike guy to go away.  
  
  
More time passed and the Mike guy was not going away.  
  
  
”Can I show you something?” The calm, unfaced voice asked, as if he didn't even notice. He got up, still holding the umbrella above Harvey, letting the rain fall on himself, still untouched.  
  
Harvey didn't want to. He wanted to sit there and waste away. He knew his legs wouldn't carry him, knew that he was too tired and worn out. He just wanted it all to stop, for it all to be silent. He didn't want Mike to show him anything.  
  
Mike reached out his hand and somehow Harvey stood up too and he almost felt like the movements were out of his control. But maybe that was okay right now. Mike's hand felt like a lifeline that Harvey held onto and quickly let go.  
  
Mike walked close to him, the umbrella now covering himself instead of Mike. He felt bad for it, but he couldn't get his tongue to speak the words and make him stop. His hands were buried deep in his pockets.  
  
They walked in silence for fifteen minutes or so. Harvey's stomach was churning and he couldn't decipher why.  
  
  
”Tadah.” Mike exclaimed as they came to a stop by a playground.  
  
For the first time, Harvey looked at Mike's face with a confused grimace. The voice matched the face. Blue eyes, wet, messy hair falling down over them, his hoodie drenched and raindrops still falling on his skin. A warmth from his small smile, a playful, childish sort of look in his eyes.  
  
”I used to come here all the time, to be honest with you I still do. These swings are legendary.”  
  
For the first time in five months, Harvey chuckled. Mike gave him a smile in return and the feeling in Harvey's stomach got worse. He shouldn't be wasting anymore of this man's life.  
”C'mon,” was all Mike said, as if to taunt the monsters in Harvey's head.  
  
Mike went over to one of the so called legendary swings, even if it meant that his shoes were now covered in sand. Harvey joined him, the price of his shoes pointless. They sat there, swinging back and forth for a while, again in silence, but there was a light smile on Mike's lips through it all. A ball formed in Harvey's throat at the sight, and he knew he had to speak to make it go away.  
  
”I'm Harvey.”  
  
Mike smiled a little more and reached a hand out for Harvey to take. They shook hands and Mike's palm felt warm against his own again. ”It's good to meet you, Harv.”  
  
Harvey let out a second chuckle that night. They sat in silence for another while, but as the other times of silence, it didn't feel uncomfortable, just silent, Harvey realized.  
  
Completely silent, with nothing but the noise of the never sleeping city and the scritch of the swings moving back and forth. The sound of his own breath and the rain falling softer now.  
  
  
”Wanna see who can swing the highest?”  
  
Harvey didn't hesitate to set off, giving himself a headstart without much thought. Mike quickly followed with a laugh and Harvey found his own laughter harmonizing with it. There was something in Harvey's chest that was coming undone, a force that had been pushing him down that didn't feel so heavy in these few moments. He could let it go, be someone else and yet still be himself. Mike didn't know a thing about him, but he didn't seem to care. For a moment, Harvey nearly felt free, felt like the world could be going under around him and he wouldn't notice. In the end, they both had to halt and Harvey was lightheaded, dizzy and content all at once. It seemed as if Mike felt the same.  
  
But all of a sudden the heavy feeling came back, like hundred tons of weights coming down all at once, as Harvey felt his stomach churn again and he tried to move away from the swing, only to throw up by one of the bars holding the swingset up.  
  
  
_'Oh get over yourself, everybody in New York has depression, you're not special.'_  
  
_'It finally got the best of you, huh? I knew you wouldn't make it.'_  
  
_'I know how you feel, I get sad too sometimes! It'll pass.'_  
  
  
Harvey knew he had to leave, knew he couldn't stay with this amazing stranger who had offered him so much time. He knew he didn't deserve a second of it and he knew he had taken it all for granted. He couldn't- he needed...  
  
Mike's warm palm was on his back within a minute and his soothing voice in Harvey's ear.  
  
”It's okay, it's okay Harvey. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere, okay?”  
  
  
  
-  
  
  
Harvey let Mike follow him home, although every cell and nerve in his body was screaming at him to push him away. The weight was still too much. He let Mike into his apartment, and Mike made him sit on the couch and tell him where things were, as he went around the giant apartment looking for towels, dry clothing and making something warm to drink, although he had never been there before.  
  
Mike didn't try to play caretaker, didn't dry his hair for him or get him out of his clothing as if Harvey was too pathetic to do it himself. No, instead, Mike just talked to him about random nonsense as they both got into something dry and found themselves sitting shoulder to shoulder on the couch. The weight was too much, but Mike helped him carry it.  
  
”Is it weird if I stay?”  
  
Harvey just shook his head. Something about Mike felt safe, familiar... right.  
  
  
-  
  
  
Harvey went to a bed that felt much warmer than it had when he left it. The dark clouds were still looming all around the room, and he knew they wouldn't stay away, but for tonight, maybe just tonight, he could sleep and hold this warm feeling in his heavy heart.  
  
  
-  
  
On the couch, Mike was already fast asleep, a soft blanket of Harvey's wrapped around him with a soft snore emitting from his lips.  
  
Harvey's broken watch laid on the coffee table, stopped somewhere around 3 am.

 


End file.
